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In this memoir of her 40 weeks and five days in hell, Andrea Askowitz takes an unflinching look at her pregnant life from struggling with hormones to poor body image to a self imposed exile from family to take us on a ride through the turbulence of single lesbian motherhood. Along the way we meet her liberal parents as they struggle with their daughter's choices, the lover she longs to reconnect with who goes M.I.A. before the pregnancy, the friends who turn out to be no help at all and strangers who offer up some unlikely kindness. Andrea presents herself real, raw, impossibly cranky yet deeply touching with her self-deprecating dark sense of humor that will make you wince or better yet send you into uncontrollable fits of laughter.

• Sales Rank: #1177060 in eBooks
• Published on: 2008-04-03
• Released on: 2008-04-03
• Format: Kindle eBook

Review
"Andrea Askowitz brilliant debut memoir is the exact kind of thing I'm always looking for at the bookstore--something that reads like an intimate yet super funny, painfully true letter from my very best friend. Andrea is like a girl version of David Sedaris or Augusten Burroughs, mining perfect comedic moments from the very worst of life's offerings. You don't have to be miserable, lonely or a lesbian to completely relate to the hilarious journey that is Andrea's life." -- Jill Soloway author of Tiny Women In Shiny Pants and writer on Six Feet Under.

"Funny, sad, unblinkingly honest--I would give this one to any pregnant friend and a few who aren't."-Joyce Maynard author of At Home in the World, The Usual Rules and To Die For

"Andrea is the lesbian Annie Lamott. Her book makes me want not to donate sperm."-Taylor Negron, actor -- More Praise for Andrea Askowitz

"Hilarious and all too true. After my own miserable lesbian pregnancy, Andrea Askowitz's confessions cheered me up immeasurably."-Ariel Gore author of The Hip Mama Survival Guide

"Andrea Askowitz, is warm, funny and filthy"--Slate.com -- Praise for Andrea Askowitz

"This is one whiny, bitchy pregnant lady--and you can't help but love her. Askowitz is funny and fearless." -- Louise Sloan author of Knock Yourself Up: A Tell-All Guide to Becoming a Single Mom

"You don't have to be a miserable, lonely, pregnant lesbian to adore Andrea Askowitz's awfully funny story. Anyone who enjoys schadenfreude, laugh-out-loud asides, and frank depictions of biological horrors will love this wonderful book. You will read it dog-eared and quote the most outrageous parts at length to all your friends. An awfully funny story." -- Jennifer Traig author of Devil In the Details: Scenes from an Obsessive Girlhood

From the Back Cover
Andrea Askowitz has the best life in the world. She's pregnant and healthy. She has friends and family who love her. She has money and meaningful work. And all she can do is obsess about the one thing she doesn't have: Kate, her ex-girlfriend. My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy is a funny, whiny, all-too-real account of one girl's true adventure in maternity. From finding a great donor who turns out to be shooting blanks ("I was a lesbian with male fertility problems.") through all-day morning sickness and graduation into "fat-girl underwear," Andrea's life reads like an antidote to sugar-sweet pregnancy guides and memoirs. In week 8, her sense of smell becomes so strong that she can tell what deodorant people are wearing. In week 28, she plans a pity party, complete with black-only dress code and a violin player: "It isn't an attempt to make fun of myself, because that would be too joyous." Irreverent and whip-smart, My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy is potent therapy for ill-timed break-ups, leg cramps, constipation, and every other downside to a dream come true.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
CONCEPTION At 11 A.M. I rush past my office mates and out the door. I have a 12:30 appointment at the Kaiser Infertility Clinic. I say, "See you later, I'm going to get pregnant." First, I drive to the California Cryobank. I walk down a long, dark hallway to the pickup window and look around for men to try to get a glimpse of the kind of guy who donates here, but the donors seem to use a separate entrance. I consider the possibility of bumping into someone I know, but the hall is empty. There is no waiting room, just a glass window that slides open when I ring the bell. A woman in a lab coat charges my credit card $320 and hands over my baby's daddy--a vial half the size of my pinkie, encased in a freezing tank inside a three-foot-high box with arrows and the words "This Way Up." I tuck the sperm behind the passenger seat and head to the clinic. The day is bright and blue and mild. A fine day to get pregnant. I take Sunset, which is tree-lined for miles, and I'm thinking it's one of the prettiest streets in Los Angeles, until I get farther east and then Sunset becomes as ugly as any other strip-mall stretch of LA. The music this morning is my favorite, classic hits from the '70s and '80s. I haven't moved on. At 34, I'm still listening to ABBA and Fleetwood Mac. The windows are open, and I'm singing, "Oh Oh, dream weavah, I believe you can get me through the niiiihhiiight." I carry the sperm box inside, which is unwieldy but not heavy, and hand it over to the nurse for defrosting. This is my second attempt, so I know the routine. The first time, I brought my best friend Stephanie, a professional photographer who took pictures like she was the proud dad: me walking in with the loot, me in the waiting room eating a peach Danish, me on the table with my feet in the stirrups, and even some crotch shots of the sperm going in. I'm lucky: most people don't get good photos of conception. The last time, Kate wanted to come, but we agreed it would be too hard. We ate Thai food the night before, and she cried over the tom ka gai, our favorite soup--chicken with coconut milk, medium spicy. Damn her for not getting her shit together in time to be my co-mom. Kate is so pretty and gentle, and I dreamed of her holding our baby. And holding me. I waited six years for her to grow up. We broke up several months ago. A divorce, really. We weren't legally married, but we were family. We shared a health insurance policy. Another woman's in the clinic waiting room, apparently alone, but wearing a wedding band, and a man and a woman are sitting together. We smile and nod at each other. I wonder if we're all waiting for our sperm to defrost. Although I'm by myself this time, I don't feel lonely. I feel cool and confident, like I'm doing my part. The war in Iraq started a few weeks ago, and I have been feeling powerless. I want to be more effective in creating peace in the world, and this war seems beyond my control, no matter how many peace rallies I go to. But today, as I sit looking up at the Matisse print, the one of the big-hipped woman dancing with no feet, I think: Maybe this is my contribution. No pressure on the kid, but maybe the kid will be a peacemaker--a sort of modern day Jesus Christ, as this Jew understands Jesus--someone who can speak the language of those in power and at the same time befriend those who are disempowered. And if this doesn't resemble the Immaculate Conception, I don't know what does.

Most helpful customer reviews

13 of 14 people found the following review helpful.
Uh, no.
By Ashleigh
I understand that memoirs anymore are striving for the 'shock and awe', but this book takes it a little far. I suppose if you are interested in reading this novel and are A.) NOT pregnant or wishing to become pregnant or B.) NOT a lesbian, I get that it might be charming or funny, in a satirical way.

I didn't find Ms. Askowitz endearing in any way. She came across as whiny and petulant, and I spent the whole time wishing she'd just shut up and quit complaining. As a lesbian, it's not like she became pregnant on accident. I know that pregnancy isn't always blue skies and perfection, but do I really need to hear someone b*tch about it for an entire novel? I'm actually upset with myself for finishing the book, since it didn't end any better than it began.

The one thing I'll give her is that she does admit that she's a pain and her attitude was poor at times. Even with those admittances, I still found her memoir disheartening and ugly.

When I bought this book, I read all the reviews saying it's a cheeky, cute, funny memoir and thought to myself that it would be a good read for me, a lesbian hoping to conceive a child soon. I was completely and totally wrong. My partner and I were both horrified by this novel. If you're looking for a nice, funny memoir about a lesbian pregnancy, THIS IS NOT IT. The title is less tongue-in-cheek than you might think. I considered re-selling it through Amazon, but I'm not even willing to put this book back into circulation!

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Pregnancy is Not for the Weak of Heart or Stomach!
By Alexandra
My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy is author, Andrea Askowitz's brutally honest memoir recounting the months she spent trying to get pregnant, actually pregnant, and as a new mother. As can be easily discerned from the title, Andrea did not enjoy being pregnant and she makes no effort to sugarcoat her experience. Askowitz is frank and extremely open in describing the messy and oftentimes unpleasant experiences involved with pregnancy and child birth.

What makes My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy work as a memoir is the balance that Askowitz manages to maintain between candid description of her opinions and admission that those opinions might have been skewed by her own gloom. Askowitz pulls no punches in describing her bitter disappoint with her friends, her ex-girlfriend, and her family; however, her harsh judgments are tempered by her acknowledgment that her estimations were not always fair and that she was a big pain in the neck. Askowitz's ability to call herself out on her own issues makes her endearing and likeable.

Askowitz's ability to be so unguarded in her writing oftentimes results in uproarious hilarity. Her recounting of her arguments and passive-aggressive altercations with her therapist will leave readers in stitches. She is candid, annoying, funny, loving, infuriating, and a whole host of other contradicting descriptions that make a person complicated and interesting.

Overall, this is a thoroughly enjoyable memoir that lifts the curtain on the rosy, glowing pregnancy façade that is usually presented to reveal the difficult, hard, and ugly side of pregnancy.

I do, however, feel a responsibility to future readers to mention that this might not be the book for those who consider themselves exceptionally squeamish, prudish, or easily offended.

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
As Cranky, Foul-Mouthed, and Funny As She Wants To Be
By Rachel Kramer Bussel
This book may have a rubber ducky on it and a baby born at the end of it, but beyond that, it has little to do with most parenting/pregnancy books, and the fact that Askowitz is single or a lesbian aren't, ultimately, what sets it apart so much as her outlook. She's supposed to be ecstatic; she split up with her long-term girlfriend and went through the rounds of picking out a sperm donor specifically so she could become the mom she's longed to be.

But she's not happy. At all. She misses her girlfriend fiercely, and is still dealing with the harrowing death of her lifelong friend. Both of these events, the breakup and the loss of her friend, form the backdrop to the growing life inside of her. Yet they don't stop Askowitz from being scathingly hilarious, sparing no one, including her siblings, parents, extended family, friends, exes, coworkers and Lesbian Camping. When talking about how her ex-girlfriend Kate gained 40 pounds while they were together, Askowitz doesn't hide her revulsion, and upon being asked "Would you want my body?" Askowitz replies "No, but it's perfect on you." Askowitz then wonders, "Why couldn't I have said nothing, or changed the subject?" It might be tough to take if your its recipient, but as a reader, Askowitz has taken her best moments and turned them into something that readers can laugh at.

Oh, and she also rightly calls Sex and the City on a particularly self-loathing moment, which Amazon probably won't let me repost (it has the "p" word in it). Prepare for a lot of profanity. Prepare to sometimes get sick of Askowitz's whining. Prepare to laugh uproariously at very simple but moments, like her reflections on one of her potential sperm donors: "5599's brother was diagnosed and treated for obsessive-compulsive disorder at 21. He wrote: `My brother's health is excellent. He's taking medication, and he's fine now.' His maternal grandmother drank herself to death at 45. He'd probably say she's fine now. He's out."

Sometimes it's hard to wonder just how those in her life put up with Askowitz's demands during her pregnancy, yet this is what makes powerful memoir: honesty. She doesn't sugarcoat her grouchiness or the intensity of labor. And perhaps the most vital story here isn't about Askowitz becoming a mother, but searching for acceptance from her family after feeling like the family freak after she came out as a teenager. The end is the tearjerker the rest of the book hasn't quite prepared you for, yet she still ends on a note so befitting this book, I'll just have to quote it: "Excuse me, Dana, that's my tit."

Askowtiz may have been miserable and lonely, but this book is full of humor, not the kind going for cheap easy laughs, but a very strongly Jewish, feminist, often righteous, lesbian brand of humor Askowitz was clearly born with. It's uncensored, full of dyke drama, told in sometimes brief diary snippets, with other asides into her childhood in Los Angeles. This memoir has roots, and will make you laugh as well as cry as it goes from childhood to death to birth and circles through the three. I'm glad Askowitz didn't try to soften any of her edges, because her sadness, flashes of anger, moments of self-pity and doubt coincide perfectly with her humor and faith in the future and her child. And you so don't need to be a lesbian or pregnant to enjoy it (though I'd imagine being either will make it an even better read).

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> Get Free Ebook Manhunting, by Jennifer Crusie

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Kate Svenson may be a dynamite businesswoman—but after three failed engagements, she's decided she's hopeless at romance. What she needs is a Business Plan to help her find Mr. Right. The Cabins resort is ripe with eligible bachelors, all rich and ambitious—just her type. But they're dropping like flies, and after fishing Kate's latest reject out of the swimming pool Jake Templeton is convinced that Kate is nothing but trouble. Especially for him. A man who's sworn off ambition and a woman hanging from the top of the corporate ladder don't have much in common. But in that unpredictable territory known as the heart, anything can happen…

• Sales Rank: #106764 in eBooks
• Published on: 2012-10-15
• Released on: 2012-10-15
• Format: Kindle eBook

Review
"A sure bet . . . Jennifer Crusie's rollicking romance hits the jackpot." -- BookPage on Bet Me

"Crusie seems incapable of writing a boring page, or one that's not aglow." -- Kirkus Reviews on What the Lady Wants

"Few popular writers handle light romantic comedy as deftly as Jennifer Crusie." -- Boston Globe on Bet Me

"Wonderful, fresh, funny, tender, outrageous . . . Crusie is one of a kind." -- Booklist on What the Lady Wants

About the Author
Jennifer Crusie is the New York Times, Publishers Weekly, and USA Today bestselling author of Tell Me Lies, Crazy for You, Welcome to Temptation, Faking It, Fast Women, and Bet Me.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
"Planning on jumping? I wouldn't. Blood's hell to get out of silk." "I'm just checking the weather," Kate Svenson said patiently and continued to stare out her apartment window, knowing that Jessie would lose interest and go back to her newspaper if she ignored her long enough.

She'd pulled back the thick drapes to let in the earlymorning August sun. Even with her best friend sitting behind her, rustling her paper and slurping her coffee, Kate felt alone, mired in a despair that not even Jessie's pragmatism could dispel. This is doing you no good at all, she told herself and moved away from the window to sit at her linen-covered dining-room table. She tried to concentrate on her breakfast coffee and the business section of the Sunday paper, but her mind kept wandering to the miserable state of her life.

Well, not exactly miserable, she thought. Actually, not miserable at all. I have a great career in a top management-consulting firm. Of course, I could wish that my father didn't own the firm,and sometimes it's boring,but it's a great career" Well, an okay career".

With an effort, Kate pushed her career out of her mind and went on with her catalog of blessings. Her life was good. She had her health, and enough money, and terrific friends, the best of whom she was having breakfast with right now in a beautiful apartment full of exquisite French Provincial furniture that she certainly couldn't afford if she didn't have this damn job".

No. Kate clamped down on her negative thoughts and peered over the top of her paper at the brunette across from her who was reading her paper and drinking her coffee with the same total absorption she gave everything else.

Jessie Rogers jerked her head up, her dark curls bouncing. "What?"

"Nothing," Kate said. "Just counting my blessings. You're near the top."

"I am the top, which is a real comment on your lousy life," Jessie said and went back to the paper.

Trust Jessie to cut to the chase, Kate thought. She sits over there looking like Audrey Hepburn at twelve, and here I am looking like Grace Kelly at fifty. And we're both thirty-five. Doesn't she care that life is slipping away from us while we carve out careers we don't want?

Of course, Jessie didn't care. Her life wasn't slipping away, she was living it. She wasn't carving out a career she didn't want, she was completely involved in one she loved, if you could call cake decorating a career, which of course, Jessie did, although how she lived on it, Kate would never know. Jessie just went with the f low, no plan at all. Maybe if Kate hadn't planned her career out so precisely, maybe if she was doing something else…

Stop it, she told herself. She was a damn good management consultant, and she'd made a lot of money. It wasn't her career that was bothering her, it was her empty personal life. Of course, Jessie was happier than she was. She hadn't gotten herself into three horrible engagements in the past three years because she didn't care that she was thirty-five and not married. I'm the one who cares, Kate thought. She was the one who was guilty and miserable. It shouldn't matter but it did, and there was nothing she could do about it.

Pathetic. Kate sighed and went back to her paper. Jessie slapped the newspaper down on the linen-covered tabletop and said loudly, "This is all your father's fault."

Startled, Kate looked up from the paper. "What? The recession? The construction on 70? Calvin can't find Hobbes? What?"

"Don't play dumb." Jessie folded her arms and glared at her. "You're unhappy."

"No, I'm not," Kate said, forcing a smile. "You read that in the paper? What are you reading? I told you not to read the personals. You get too upset about all the lonely people and you transfer it to me. I'm fine. Read the sports page." She went back to her paper, holding it like a shield in front of her.

Jessie, as usual, did not give up. "You keep sighing. I can't concentrate on Travel and Leisure with you sighing."

"I'm not sighing," Kate said without looking up. "It's sinus."

"No, it's not." Jessie narrowed her eyes. "You're not still pining over that jerk Derek, are you?"

"No." Kate stuck to her paper. "I don't pine over jerks. It's not time-efficient. Go back to Travel and Leisure."

Jessie hooked her finger over the edge of Kate's paper and pulled it down so she could look into her friend's eyes. "You want to get married."

"Of course I want to get married," Kate said reasonably. "Some day. Get your finger off my paper. You're crumpling the Dow-Jones."

"You want to get married now." Jessie looked disgusted. "It's your biological clock or something."

"Your nail polish is chipped," Kate said. "It's also a really ugly color, but I'm not mentioning that because it would be none of my business."

"You've been engaged three times in the past three years," Jessie said. "Not one of them could keep you. You said yes to three men and then dumped them. Why would you say ‘yes' to three men you couldn't bring yourself to marry?"

Kate took a deep breath. "Derek insisted on a premarital agreement. Paul informed me that my success threatened him and if I loved him I'd stop working so hard. Terence wanted me to quit my job because my social duties as his wife would be too pressing. And you think I should have married one of those men?"

"Frankly, I don't think you should have dated any of them," Jessie said. "I just think being raised by your father has given you a warped idea of life, marriage, and men. And I think you're unhappy, which makes me unhappy. And I don't like being unhappy, so we're going to fix you."

Kate put down the financial section. "No, we're not." "Yes, we are," Jessie said. "We're going to improve your life. We're going to make you more like me."

Kate started to laugh. "I don't want to be like you." "Hey," Jessie said, not fazed at all. "You should be so lucky."

"You decorate cakes for a living," Kate said. "Beautiful cakes, admittedly, but still!"

"I'm an artist," Jessie said.

"You're a nut," Kate said. "But I love you, so I overlook it."

"I may be nuts, but I love what I do and you don't," Jessie said. "Remember when you were with the Small Business Administration? You used to tell me about all those little businesses you'd help get started, and you'd feel so good, remember?"

"The pay was terrible and the career possibilities nil." Kate picked up her paper. Jessie pinned it down with her hand.

"Remember Mrs. Borden's day-care center?" Jessie said. "It's still going strong. She's got a waiting list."

"Of course, I remember." Kate smiled at the memory. "What a lovely woman she was."

"Is," Jessie said. "She didn't die just because you sold out."

"I didn't sell out."

"And that old man"what was his name, Richards? The one with the shoe-repair shop."

"Richter," Kate said. "Mr. Richter. How is he?" Jessie shrugged. "How should I know? Like it's my job to keep an eye on all those little businesses you played midwife to."

"Very subtle, Jess," Kate said. "And I didn't sell out" I'm doing the same thing." At Jessie's skeptical look, she added, "I am. I'm just saving much bigger businesses for a lot more money. I'm still helping people."

"You're helping a bunch of suits," Jessie said.

Kate held on to her patience. "Why don't we just agree that we have no respect for each other's career choices and forget the whole thing?"

"You used to have respect for my career choice," Jessie said. "You helped me save my career."

"I couldn't help it," Kate said. "You were such a mess, standing in the middle of my office at the SBA, raving about creating the greatest cakes in the civilized world." She smiled at Jessie and shook her head. "I'd never seen anyone like you before."

Jessie grinned back. "I felt the same way. I'd never seen anybody as polished as you. You looked like you'd been varnished. I thought, Oh,good,I'm in big trouble and they send me to Wall Street Barbie." She tilted her head and looked at Kate with deep affection. "And then you saved my business."

"It was a business worth saving," Kate said. "You truly do make the most beautiful cakes in the civilized world."

"Uncivilized, too," Jessie said. "Which brings us to the subject at hand"men."

"Jessie," Kate said. "You're even more inept with men than I am. You keep dating those boneless, purposeless men who need someone to take care of them."

"Yes, but that's because I don't care," Jessie said.

"When I care, I will be ept."

"Well, when you're ept, I'll listen to you." Kate tried to pick up her paper, but Jessie put her hand on it again.

"Listen," Jessie said, leaning forward. "I'm willing to approach this your way."

"My way?"

"Right. Logic and reason." Jessie made a face. "I prefer instinct, but we've gotta go with what we've got, here. Now, you want to get married, right?"

Kate looked wary. "Right."

Jessie spread her hands apart. "So what have you done all your life every time you wanted something?"

Kate looked even warier. "I made a plan?" "Exactly," Jessie said. "So we make a plan. What do we do first? I've never planned anything before, remember? You were the one who came in and did my business plan." She stopped to consider. "Which means I owe you this plan. It's the least I can do."

"The least is what you always do," Kate said. "If you'd followed the timetable in that plan, you'd be a rich woman today. What happened to all the promotion plans? The growth plans?"

"Too fast," Jessie said, waving the idea away with her hand. "If I'd stuck to your timetable, I'd have lost all the fun of designing the cakes. I'd end up turning out sugar roses like a robot, and after a while all my work would look like everybody else's, and nobody would be paying my prices, so I'd have to lower them, and then I'd have to make more cakes ...

Most helpful customer reviews

126 of 132 people found the following review helpful.
Book hunting? This one's a keeper!
By Dianna Setterfield
As my first taste of a Jennifer Crusie book, I think I ordered well. While not a book for those who enjoy stories that require heavy brain use, readers of all types can gain pleasure from this book. For the serious in you, Manhunting touches on commitment and career issues. For the practical person, the orderly list-making and the perfecting art of finding a suitable mate will appeal. But most importantly, for the romantic reader, Manhunting will have you climbing up the wall with anticipation -- like any good romance book should.
Kate Svenson has what she thinks any woman would want: beauty, money, a successful career, and an apartment full of French Provincial furniture. Unfortunately, she also has too much time and lonliness on her hands. Tired of the single life, Kate and her best friend, Jessie, come up with the plan to beat all plans. Thus begins Kate's search for the perfect man. Armed with her list of qualifications (tall, distinguised and successful), Kate heads to Toby's Corner, Kentucky, home of The Cabins Resort and vertical golf -- a magnetic haven for the suave businessmen of Kate's desire.
Well, it started out a good plan... Within the first few days of her arrival, Kate has managed to attract men that meet her requirements but with disastrous results. The only thing decent out of the whole trip? The two new friendships she's made: Penny, gorgeous and engaged, who feels she needs to do a little harmless dating before she's tied down for good, and Jake, the rugged resort handyman and exact opposite of the man of her dreams. Hopeless and exhausted, Kate is on the verge of giving up. But wait...is there a light at the end of this tunnel after all?
Manhunting is a delicious romp of a novel, full of sexual tension and too much pride. And while readers can guess the ending before cracking the spine on this book, it does not deter whatsoever from the sheer pleasure of reading. Contains writing that veers toward inexperienced during the first few chapters, but soon Jennifer Crusie hits her groove and takes off like a woman on a mission. Excellent debut from an author worth reading again.

33 of 35 people found the following review helpful.
Don't walk, RUN and get this book!
By Jennifer Childress
This is one of Ms. Crusie's best books ever. She has her standard quirky, fun-loving, bantering characters that Jennifer Crusie is known for, but the heroine and hero are such a HOT couple and fun that I didn't want it to end. Kate and Jake are the total opposite on the surface but once you get below that cover layer you find two people that are such a great compliment of one another that you want to push them faster together. And watching Kate deal with the dates from hell, and Jake give her a hard time over them, you just laugh all the way through the story. I loved this book and it is on my keeper shelf to be read when I need a pick-me-up.

30 of 32 people found the following review helpful.
Worth hunting down
By amf0001
This was Jennifer Crusie's first published romance and it's so sophisticated and slick and funny, that any would be writer will go green with envy.
It has all the trade mark Crusie attributes even at this early stage - great humour, even better energy level - it's a fun, uplifting read. It also has a great heroine in Kate, who is too thin, too successful but also too staid. She makes you aware of the price Kate has paid to get where she's at. And you laugh out loud at the terrible dates she manages to get for herself on her one woman mission to 'manhunt' herself a husband.
Jake is an equally great character. He is warm and lazy and funny. He also needs more direction in his life.
Both lovers help bring out the best in each other - which is what love's all about after all...
There was a quirk or two with the secondary characters (Jake's brother is unexpectedly brutal (emotionally, not physcially!) in one scene) so it's only a 4 star rating, but it shows Crusie to be the talent she so obviously is, from the word go.

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>> Get Free Ebook Food Self-Sufficiency: Reality Check, by Susan Gregersen

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(This book was formerly titled "Crunching the Numbers")

Some people like the idea of producing their own food. They want to grow a garden or raise animals, or otherwise provide for themselves. Others are 'preppers' and have been buying and storing food in case of disaster, hardship, or other turmoil. It's a great plan, but knowing how to produce your own food is real security. Hand in hand with that is knowing what you'll need to produce, preserve, and store that food.

This books is about the numbers. It's not a how-to book, it's about what you need for the “how to”. We'll look at figuring out how much space you need for gardens or animals, how many jars you'll need if you plan to get into canning, and what other options there are for preserving and storing food.

I'll talk about animals and their needs, and suggest ways to feed and shelter them that won't break your bank account. I'll point you the right direction to find out what you need to know about foraging, hunting, and fishing, plus share some tips from my own experiences.

This book is geared toward those with limited funds, but will also be helpful to more prosperous readers who are considering growing or otherwise providing for most or all of their own food. The 'how-to' may vary but the numbers are the same, whether you're rich or poor.

• Sales Rank: #386183 in eBooks
• Published on: 2012-09-06
• Released on: 2012-09-06
• Format: Kindle eBook

Most helpful customer reviews

29 of 30 people found the following review helpful.
A dose of reality for the newcomer
By DK Richardson
Book Two of the "Poverty Prepping" Series. Titled "Food Self Sufficiency: Reality Check" Author Susan Gregsen. Book was obtained during a one-day free offer on Amazon, mostly because I'm a cheapskate!

This book is sure to let the air out of the Walter Mitty sort of folks who think they are prepared for a long-term disaster. In other words, to make a chicken dinner first you need, well, a chicken.

This short book looks at the logistics of raising chickens - food, space, protection, shelter and all the other things you will need BEFORE you start planning on that chicken dinner.

This book examines the real life requirements for a garden, what kind and the number of canning jars needed for large amounts of garden produce canning. Susan also looks at issues elated to canning meat.

Who should buy this book?
Anyone and everyone who is entering or thinking of entering into a home food production lifestyle. This book has the hard numbers you must take into account and offers tons of hints - like what cardboard boxes are best for storing quart canning jars - sure to be helpful to the newbe or the long time home canner.

The book also has chapters on hunting, fishing and foraging. These chapters will be interest for those folks that hold the quaint notion that they can catch enough fish or 'just hunt' for food to live on in hard times.

Clearly written by someone who has "been there done that" it's worth your time to read.

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful.
Some good, some not so good
By Nicole
The author addresses a topic which is sorely needed. Anyone who has been even briefly involved in the disaster prep community has run across the idea one only need to stockpile some seeds and voila! instant food self-sufficiency post zombie apocalypse. Being even partially self-sufficient in food requires an investment in arable land, labor and site preparation. Successful working gardens and homesteads do not spring up overnight.

Although the specter of TSHTF is raised, the book is really more targeted at people who are thinking of self-sufficiency as a lifestyle. If there's no electrical power available, the nice propane guy isn't going to be coming around to fill up your gas tank to hatch chicks by pilot light, either.

However, the author misses the mark in some ways, generally when she begins to discuss areas outside her own experience. For example, she states if you live in the South, you can grow peaches. Well, if you are lucky not to have bacterial blight or fireblight, you can grow peach trees but getting any quantity of edible peaches off them is fairly difficult to accomplish. There are hardier and easier fruit trees to choose for home fruit production in the South. (Like pears.) In another place she states wild carrot is edible but Queen Anne's Lace is deadly. While common names are dangerous to use for identification, the name Queens Anne's Lace almost always refers to Daucus carota, which is the same carrot species you grow in your garden. Poison hemlock is the look alike.

Minor errors aside, the book is a short read and it's 99 cents and if you are just beginning to think about self-sufficiency you should definitely take a few minutes and a buck to read it to get an idea of the kinds of issues you need to be aware of. Those with experience producing any of their own food will probably not glean much from the book and will wish for more hard numbers and case scenarios to help them on assessing how they can expand their production. I think an expanded version that focuses more on logistics -- like how much land and labor is required to produce that 600 pounds of wheat in XYZ climate, or how much edible venison you get off a typical young buck in December -- would be a good followup book for the author.

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
Good but basic
By P. Halotier
This is a good book, explaining some obvious pointers on how to survive in case of a worst case scenario, or simply on how to prepare for the winter. Easy read. Basic knowledge for everyone to know.

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? PDF Ebook The Story of a Round-House and Other Poems by John Masefield, by John Masefield

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Excerpt:
THE STORY OF A ROUND-HOUSE
AND OTHER POEMS
DAUBER
I
Four bells were struck, the watch was called on deck,
All work aboard was over for the hour,
And some men sang and others played at check,
Or mended clothes or watched the sunset glower.
The bursting west was like an opening flower,
And one man watched it till the light was dim,
But no one went across to talk to him.
He was the painter in that swift ship's crew,
Lampman and painter--tall, a slight-built man,
Young for his years, and not yet twenty-two;
Sickly, and not yet brown with the sea's tan.
Bullied and damned at since the voyage
"Being neither man nor seaman by his tally,"
He bunked with the idlers just abaft the galley.
His work began at five; he worked all day,
Keeping no watch and having all night in.

• Sales Rank: #2077750 in eBooks
• Published on: 2012-09-08
• Released on: 2012-09-08
• Format: Kindle eBook

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? Ebook Successful Writing At Work Concise 3rd Edition, by Philip C. Kolin

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Successful Writing at Work

• Sales Rank: #2420911 in Books
• Published on: 2012
• Binding: Paperback
• 404 pages

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Torrid short stories explore the thrill of sex at 30,000 feet

• Sales Rank: #385924 in eBooks
• Published on: 2009-03-03
• Released on: 2009-03-03
• Format: Kindle eBook

Review


Reviewed By: Kathleen Bradean, for Erotica Revealed

"The state of the world being as it is, the fabled Mile High Club seems a reminder of the past, the swinging 60s and whatever the 70s were about. While the new paranoia brought scrutiny that seemed likely to end airborne frolics, Rachel Kramer Bussel’s anthology The Mile High Club is a ray of hope for the altitudenaly inspired.

Most of the stories in Mile High Club are contemporary, but Craig Sorensen’s “Top Banana” goes back to the days when stewardesses were hired for their looks and portrayed in media as bimbos. Those were the years when traveling salesmen got out of their cars and took to the skies. Subject of countless bawdy jokes, meet career gal in a mini skirt. No wonder the public imagination flew with that combination. But in Craig’s story, the stewardess is tired of her male passengers’ sense of entitlement, and on her last flight, she teaches a horny salesman a lesson he never forgets.

Donna George Storey creates consistently wonderful stories. “Her Nasty Little Habit” is my favorite of the sex in the seat stories in this anthology, although Rachel Kramer Bussel’s “Urgent Message” and Ryan Field’s “Bert and Betty” are damn hot reads too.

If you like a bit of domination, try Bill Kte’pi’s “34B,” Matt Conklin’s “Wild Child,” or “Obedient” by Teresa Noelle Roberts.

Thomas Roche’s “When Your Girlfriend Wears a Very Short Skirt” deserves special mention. Thomas is an incredible writer, so I tend to have higher expectations for his stories than for writers I don’t know. Much lighter in tone than most of his work, this one delivers.

Speaking of writers I’ve come to expect a lot from, Alison Tyler also contributed to this anthology. She may not know me, but she definitely has her fingers on several of my hot buttons, and I can’t recall a story of hers that didn’t push at least one. Her “Planes, Trains and Banana-Seat Bicycles” doesn’t take to the skies, but there are planes involved. In her skillful hands, that’s all you’ll need to fly.

“Wing Walker” by Cheyenne Blue is the most original story in the anthology. The biplane pilot from an aerial show tells his wing walker that he’s going to find her a lover. She laughs off the offer, and as months pass, he doesn’t follow through—until he does. On a practice flight meant to test the newcomer’s skills out on the wing, he shows her that he has moves she’d never imagined. This may be a flight of fancy, but it’s a good one.

It’s impossible to think of sex in a passenger plane without also imagining the danger and embarrassment of being caught. If two people head for a lavatory, everyone notices, or at least it feels as if they do. So even if joining the mile high club never appealed to you in real life, your inner voyeur or exhibitionist may feel a frisson of excitement in all the right places as you read these stories."

From the Inside Flap

Table of Contents

Introduction: Flying High

34B by Bill Kte’pi
Instrument Flight Rules by Zach Lindley
A Brief Respite by Desiree
Get On, Get Off by Jeremy Edwards
The Scream Queen by Sommer Marsden
Wild Child by Matt Conklin
Bermuda Triangle by Vanessa Vaughn
Top Banana by Craig J. Sorensen
Nasty Little Habit by Donna George Storey
Urgent Message by Rachel Kramer Bussel
Obedient by Teresa Noelle Roberts
Aisle Seat by Stan Kent
Game in the Sky by Elizabeth Coldwell
When Your Girlfriend Wears a Very Short Skirt by Thomas S. Roche
Planes, Trains and Banana-Seat Bicycles by Alison Tyler
Flights of Fancy by Geneva King
The Girl Most Likely by Kristina Wright
Bert and Betty by Ryan Field
Wing Walker by Cheyenne Blue

From the Back Cover

Introduction: Flying High

The Mile High Club is, for many, the stuff of legend, but I’m here to
tell you that where there’s a will, there’s a way. Flying can bring
out so many of our insecurities, fears, and frustrations, that it’s
natural we’d want to find a way to relieve all that tension by getting
it on. Indeed, several of the stories here deal with sex as a way to
conquer a fear of flying.

Just as I was completing this volume, I got a call from a friend who
told me that on the way back from a family vacation, he got it on with
a woman he ran into on the plane whom he’d known, but never slept
with. They managed to have full-on intercourse (and much more) as the
rest of the passengers sleptæor so they thought! They found out later
that they’d been true exhibitionists, seen by horny voyeurs.

In these stories, characters are often surprised to find themselves
engaging in such risqué behavior midflight. The surprise and
naughtiness make what’s happening even hotter. For others, it’s been
carefully orchestrated, such as the woman meeting her online pen pal
in “34B” or the one putting her arsenal of sex toys to good use in
“Obedient.”

Other scenarios are more fanciful, and, unless you’re really lucky,
are probably not going to happen to you. Part of the thrill of even
thinking about the mile high club is that in such close quarters,
someone’s bound to notice the movements, noises, and sensations of sex
happening near him or her. Voyeurism and exhibitionism are part and
parcel of sex on a plane, even if you never officially get caught.

I’m sure you are probably picturing getting it on in a tiny airplane
bathroom, and yes, that happens here. But there’s more than one way to
join the Mile High Club, as the “Wild Child” in the story by Matt
Conklin learns when her kinky new friend asks for some extra ice. And
in “Bermuda Triangle,” we’re introduced to a threesome that takes edge
play to new heights, as a man is blindfolded and instructed to fly,
his fear upping the ante for the novel sexual encounter about to take
place.

While this isn’t a how-to manual, I’m sure you can pick up a few tips
on the fine art of blanket placement and in-flight discretion from
these talented writers. Alas, during the numerous flights I’ve taken
in the last year, nothing so risqué has happened to me, but that
hasn’t stopped me from fantasizing about what might be going on a few
rows over, or wondering, as I stand in the security line, who might
try to pick me up. I love that Wi-Fi is the wave of the flying future,
as I write about in my story “Urgent Message,” and I’m looking forward
to much in-the-air flirting.

Whether you’re a member of the Mile High Club or just want to be, I
hope these stories take you on some exciting trips, and that your next
plane ride is just as eventful! Please feel free to share your story
or keep up with what’s new in plane sex at my blog at
milehighclubbook.wordpress.com.

Rachel Kramer Bussel
New York City

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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
5,280 feet of pure sex...
By Jason Frost
So yeah I'm on an erotic short story reading frenzy and its books like this that keep feeding the fire. Rachel has got me so sprung one her collections that I was one hour away from buying this book even though she said she had one in the mail for me. I DID NOT want to wait for this book! Thankfully it came the very next day and I devoured it like AIG did our tax money. The stories were carnal, erotic, lusty, hot blooded, and passionate.

I love collections of short stories because you can fit them in anytime of the day (or night) and they are perfect for a pick-me-up. All of these stories involve sex in, around, and even OUTSIDE an airplane so be prepared for that one theme throughout this collection. My favorites are:

`Instrument Flight Rules'
`The Scream Queen'
`Bermuda Triangle'
`Aisle Seat'
`Game in the Sky'
`Flights of Fancy'
`Bert and Betty'

I tell myself that every time I get one of these books I'm not going to read it straight through like a novel but I can't help myself. Short stories are like your very own voyeurism without the fear of getting caught. Once you start reading about someone else's fantasy or sexual exploits it's almost impossible to stop. I'm glad I'm not a speed reader or I would have finished this book in only a few hours. As it was it only took me about a day or two. Rachel, yet again, picks the right stories and the right authors to create one heck of a sexy collection.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
A Most Delightful Read
By Robin D. Calloway
Just the number of creative ways that the authors collected by Rachel Kramer Bussel in *The Mile High Club* find for their characters to get off while in the air makes reading the book a fun adventure.

Except for one delicious fantasy, all of the stories are realistic enough to get readers thinking about a plan for their own initiation into the club. Someone who could never figure out how to get tab A into slot B within the crowded confines of the cattle cars that pass for planes these days, will be inspired by the myriad opportunities described.

The stories range from encounters with never-to-be-seen-again strangers to romantic beginnings that have the potential for long-term couplings as well as already existing relationships enhanced by the experience. There's something for everyone with male/female, female/female, and male/male encounters. And thanks to technology, a couple of steamy stories have only one of the participants on the plane.

Hot sex aside, the stories are all well-written with strong character development. As someone who needs more than just good sex to make a story enjoyable, I found this a most delightful read.

I.G. Frederick
author of *Broken* and *Shattered*
eroticawriter.net

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
a little something for everyone
By karen a
Whatever your need, there's certainly a story to fulfill it in the latest collection of erotic stories edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel. Not only are these stories tantalizing to read, they're well written as well! Too often in the world of erotica, you find yourself reading poorly written smut.

From the deliciously naughty 34B by Bill Kte'Pi to the well written Planes, Trains, and Banana-Seat Bicycles by Alison Tyler, I found a few stories that pulled me in, set a scene and gave me great characters to connect with. Thomas S. Roche's When Your Girlfriend Wears a Very Short Skirt should not be missed, either.

If you're looking for a solid collection of erotica stories, look to those edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel. The Mile High Club: Plane Sex Stories does not disappoint.

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• Published on: 1985
• Binding: Paperback

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